Shh… Secret Experiments On Humans In China

November 19, 2007

Secret Human Experiments In China


Senator Hillary Comes Over To The Dark Side

November 15, 2007

For those of you that missed it, here are some of the highlights from Hillary’s speech last night:

“For many years, this country has been built up by the immigrants. They came to Ellis Island with hopes and dreams. They worked long days and nights to fulfill those dreams, and in the process they made our great country the place it is today.”

“However, now, the time for immigrants is over! We don’t need or want them in our country. They bring in disease, poverty, and crime. They swarm over the borders like locust. Its time to pass new laws restricting all but the richest immigrants!”

“If I am elected President, I will do my best to employ a ruthless border control police force with the permission to shoot all offenders!”

“I propose that Ellis Island be turned into a museum celebrating the success of the great pride of our country… MICROSOFT!”

“Microsoft has done more for the United States than the immigrants have… We need to honor those that have truely served our country…”

 statue of gates

Its amazing what a few campaign donations can do…

TODO: Arrange a meeting between Ballmer and Hillary.

Mr. Microsoft Zune

November 6, 2007

Remember that dude that got a Zune tattoo a while ago? He’s back! This time he’s changing his name to “Microsoft Zune.”

 zune tattoo

Oh, yah!  GO ZUNE GO!

All Your Laptop Are Belong To Us

November 2, 2007


I don’t know how many of you remember that ridiculous $100 laptop that the  dorks at MIT were working on. (You know, the one with the crank thingy.) At the time, I commented “Geez, get a decent computer where you can actually read the text and you’re not sitting there cranking the thing while you’re trying to type,” and The last thing you want for a shared-use computer is for it to be something without a disk, and with a tiny little screen.”

As you all know, its been my long term goal as the world biggest philanthropist to put “a computer on every disk in every house, running Microsoft software.”

Anyway, we’ve decided to be nice and “allow” (pronounced “force”) the project to put Windows XP (specifically not Vista) on the laptop.

I Don’t Get It

October 26, 2007

There seems to be a bug in Leopard…

Leopard “bug”

Ubuntu Gummy Gibbon- The Poem

October 19, 2007


 ubuntu logo

In honor of Ubuntu 7.10 (Gummy Gibbon) I’ve decided to make a poem for all of you Linux freaks users…

Ugly design 

Bad looking 

Unsightly “Human” look 


Ten thousand viruses 

Ununderstandable by normal people 




Terribly confusing 

Sudo and other strange things 

You should use Vista instead 



Install it on a Mac and not on Windows 

Beware of the wobbly windows

Bash is for weirdos- real geeks use ms-dos

Only freaks use fast user switching and Firefox extensions

No more simplicity and single desktops


FCEOW 07 Pictures

October 6, 2007

I’m sure that all of you have already seen Fake Steve Ballmer’s pictures of FCEOW 07, and were wondering where “Where’s Fake Bill?” The truth is, I wasn’t in any of the pictures on Fake Steve’s blog. In order to keep my Secret Identity secret, I showed up in a Darth Vader costume. Steve Ballmer also was worried about revealing his secret identity, so he showed up as Darth Maul. Here’s some pictures:

Darth Vader and Darth Maul
Thats me on the right and thats Steve on the left.

Darth Vader
Me again!

Darth outside

That me, Fake Ballmer (after he took off his costume), and a random security guard.

As you can see, I had a great time. At one point, the real George W. Bush even showed up. (He got confused and thought that he was fake George W.B.) I have to convince Fake Ballmer to throw these conferences more often.

The only problem was that some people mistakenly thought that I was Fake Vader. They didn’t seem to understand that I was Fake Bill with the Fake secret identity of Fake Vader! Perhaps it was for the best anyway, because all of my Fake Stormtroopers were elsewhere, and I don’t think that I would have been able to deal with all of the fans myself.

About halfway through the party, I showed off a magic trick (where I used the “force”) and Fake Ballmer (still dressed up as Fake Darth Maul) got pissed that I was getting all the attention. He ripped off his costume, threw a few chairs, screamed “Developers!”, stormed away, and got drunk. He later got kicked out of his own party by the security guards who thought that he was Fake Fake Steve Ballmer. You can see him without his costume in the last picture above. He’s the dude on the left.