All Your Laptop Are Belong To Us

I don’t know how many of you remember that ridiculous $100 laptop that the  dorks at MIT were working on. (You know, the one with the crank thingy.) At the time, I commented “Geez, get a decent computer where you can actually read the text and you’re not sitting there cranking the thing while you’re trying to type,” and “The last thing you want for a shared-use computer is for it to be something without a disk, and with a tiny little screen.”

As you all know, its been my long term goal as the world biggest philanthropist to put “a computer on every disk in every house, running Microsoft software.”

Anyway, we’ve decided to be nice and “allow” (pronounced “force”) the project to put Windows XP (specifically not Vista) on the laptop.

I Don’t Get It

There seems to be a bug in Leopard…

Ubuntu Gummy Gibbon- The Poem

 

 

In honor of Ubuntu 7.10 (Gummy Gibbon) I’ve decided to make a poem for all of you Linux freaks users…

Ugly design 

Bad looking 

Unsightly “Human” look 

No BSODs 

Ten thousand viruses 

Ununderstandable by normal people 

 

Geeky

Useless 

Terribly confusing 

Sudo and other strange things 

You should use Vista instead 

 

Gnome-thingy 

Install it on a Mac and not on Windows 

Beware of the wobbly windows

Bash is for weirdos- real geeks use ms-dos

Only freaks use fast user switching and Firefox extensions

No more simplicity and single desktops

  

FCEOW 07 Pictures

I’m sure that all of you have already seen Fake Steve Ballmer’s pictures of FCEOW 07, and were wondering where “Where’s Fake Bill?” The truth is, I wasn’t in any of the pictures on Fake Steve’s blog. In order to keep my Secret Identity secret, I showed up in a Darth Vader costume. Steve Ballmer also was worried about revealing his secret identity, so he showed up as Darth Maul. Here’s some pictures:

Thats me on the right and thats Steve on the left.

Me again!

That me, Fake Ballmer (after he took off his costume), and a random security guard.

As you can see, I had a great time. At one point, the real George W. Bush even showed up. (He got confused and thought that he was fake George W.B.) I have to convince Fake Ballmer to throw these conferences more often.

The only problem was that some people mistakenly thought that I was Fake Vader. They didn’t seem to understand that I was Fake Bill with the Fake secret identity of Fake Vader! Perhaps it was for the best anyway, because all of my Fake Stormtroopers were elsewhere, and I don’t think that I would have been able to deal with all of the fans myself.

About halfway through the party, I showed off a magic trick (where I used the “force”) and Fake Ballmer (still dressed up as Fake Darth Maul) got pissed that I was getting all the attention. He ripped off his costume, threw a few chairs, screamed “Developers!”, stormed away, and got drunk. He later got kicked out of his own party by the security guards who thought that he was Fake Fake Steve Ballmer. You can see him without his costume in the last picture above. He’s the dude on the left.

Good Times…

Imagine my surprise when I booted up my computer this morning, went to everybody’s favorite website, and saw this: 

Hmm… It seems like someone at Microsoft (probably Ballmer) went digging around in the pile of old photos on my desk, and stole a picture without my permission. I’m not too annoyed (I simply look amazing in that picture) but I’ll get him back tomorrow by placing this on Microsoft.com’s home page:

I’m Back!

As many of you realized, I wasn’t in the Bahamas after all. I was actually at the FCEOW (Fake CEOs Of The World) Conference in an undisclosed secret location. For security reasons I was forced to lie (all of my Fake Bodyguards are busy right now) and tell all of you that I was going to the “Bahamas.”

In other news… You can expect a news release later today about some new Zunes (think “Zune Nano”), but I’ll talk more about that later when its official. 

One of my Jewish friends has invited me to this Simchat Tora thing where we run around in circles around the Tora (not to be confused with the Hora). Chag Sameach!

Vacation

I’m going away on vacation to the Bahamas this week. (Its a business trip to take care of “Vista stuff.”) I’ll be back by Wednesday. 

 

Hail The Halo

Source

Blasphemy!

This poster was found here. Please contact your senator today, and let them know that you won’t stand for outrages like this in our country. Take action to protect your children from harmful propaganda!

We Invented The :-)

Yup, you got that right. Microsoft invented the Smiley!  Or thats close enough to the truth, anyway. Here’s the link.