SP1, Oh Baby!

March 24, 2008

Woohoo! We did it (at last)!

Windows Vista Security- er, Service Pack 1 was  just released into the wild. In order of importance, the new features are the following:

(The list of features is taken from the official press release. (Really.))

  • Removes 20 second delay when pressing Ctrl Alt Del on certain machines.
  • Windows Explorer (usually) no longer freezes if you browse the network
  • Most of the time, the machine no longer hangs when emerging from hibernation mode.
  • The ‘Pause for 15 seconds before connecting to the network’ feature (this feature is strangely present in every version but Ultimate) has (temporarily) been removed.

Lets look at what the fanboys are saying:

“Windows Vista SP1 lacks any compelling ‘must haves,’ and, in most cases, doesn’t significantly improve performance (in some cases, it even degrades performance).
The bottom line: While it’s always good to install the latest code for any operating system, installing the Windows Vista SP1 update will require some casual users to spend a few hours without any visible or tangible improvements to their systems.”

-C|Net 

If you fast-forward to 2015, and then look-back; I bet that Vista’s SP1 will be hailed as a classic example of waiting until the first service pack before deploying an operating system. Thus if you have not deployed Vista, then wait until next spring and expect a smooth migration from XP.”

– ComputerPerformance.co.uk

Opening Windows Explorer for the first time in a session (which on my desktop took at least a full 30 seconds, and as long as a full minute) now takes an ‘acceptable’ 10 to 15 secondsMicrosoft also boasts about speed improvements in Internet Explorer 7… I found no proof of the former.”

 – PC Magazine

In the spirit of celebration, we put up some Vista jokes for y’all over here.

Head over to Microsucks.com and get your copy.

Um, anyone?

Please? We’ll give you free support.

Oh well. 😦


CES Pictures

January 7, 2008


Hello from the Moon

January 6, 2008

I know I haven’t blogged in a while. There have been several attempts on my life in the past few months. In order to escape, I chartered a private rocket to the moon, and I’m writing this post via NASA’s wireless network. (Seriously, the username and password were both “admin” and it took me under a day to hack in.)

In order to throw off the would be assasins, it was necessary to fake my death before I left Earth. The current opinion among Earthlings is that I’m dead. I’m about to broadcast this post over NASA’s Active SETI satellites, so I got to run.


Make Your Own MS Ad Contest And Win $$$$

November 29, 2007

I’ll admit it: We’re out of ideas. No matter how hard we try, people are being influenced by Apple’s ads and are making bad decisions.

Therefore, I’m happy to announce the User Created Ad Contest.You create an ad for any M$ product, submit it, have it judged by a select panel of biased bloggers, win prizes and money, and lose/use it all on a new computer.

More information and details will follow. Right now, we’re looking for sponsors.


Senator Hillary Comes Over To The Dark Side

November 15, 2007

For those of you that missed it, here are some of the highlights from Hillary’s speech last night:

“For many years, this country has been built up by the immigrants. They came to Ellis Island with hopes and dreams. They worked long days and nights to fulfill those dreams, and in the process they made our great country the place it is today.”

“However, now, the time for immigrants is over! We don’t need or want them in our country. They bring in disease, poverty, and crime. They swarm over the borders like locust. Its time to pass new laws restricting all but the richest immigrants!”

“If I am elected President, I will do my best to employ a ruthless border control police force with the permission to shoot all offenders!”

“I propose that Ellis Island be turned into a museum celebrating the success of the great pride of our country… MICROSOFT!”

“Microsoft has done more for the United States than the immigrants have… We need to honor those that have truely served our country…”

 statue of gates

Its amazing what a few campaign donations can do…

TODO: Arrange a meeting between Ballmer and Hillary.


All Your Laptop Are Belong To Us

November 2, 2007

laptop

I don’t know how many of you remember that ridiculous $100 laptop that the  dorks at MIT were working on. (You know, the one with the crank thingy.) At the time, I commented “Geez, get a decent computer where you can actually read the text and you’re not sitting there cranking the thing while you’re trying to type,” and The last thing you want for a shared-use computer is for it to be something without a disk, and with a tiny little screen.”

As you all know, its been my long term goal as the world biggest philanthropist to put “a computer on every disk in every house, running Microsoft software.”

Anyway, we’ve decided to be nice and “allow” (pronounced “force”) the project to put Windows XP (specifically not Vista) on the laptop.


FCEOW 07 Pictures

October 6, 2007

I’m sure that all of you have already seen Fake Steve Ballmer’s pictures of FCEOW 07, and were wondering where “Where’s Fake Bill?” The truth is, I wasn’t in any of the pictures on Fake Steve’s blog. In order to keep my Secret Identity secret, I showed up in a Darth Vader costume. Steve Ballmer also was worried about revealing his secret identity, so he showed up as Darth Maul. Here’s some pictures:

Darth Vader and Darth Maul
Thats me on the right and thats Steve on the left.

Darth Vader
Me again!

Darth outside

That me, Fake Ballmer (after he took off his costume), and a random security guard.

As you can see, I had a great time. At one point, the real George W. Bush even showed up. (He got confused and thought that he was fake George W.B.) I have to convince Fake Ballmer to throw these conferences more often.

The only problem was that some people mistakenly thought that I was Fake Vader. They didn’t seem to understand that I was Fake Bill with the Fake secret identity of Fake Vader! Perhaps it was for the best anyway, because all of my Fake Stormtroopers were elsewhere, and I don’t think that I would have been able to deal with all of the fans myself.

About halfway through the party, I showed off a magic trick (where I used the “force”) and Fake Ballmer (still dressed up as Fake Darth Maul) got pissed that I was getting all the attention. He ripped off his costume, threw a few chairs, screamed “Developers!”, stormed away, and got drunk. He later got kicked out of his own party by the security guards who thought that he was Fake Fake Steve Ballmer. You can see him without his costume in the last picture above. He’s the dude on the left.