November 29, 2007
I’ll admit it: We’re out of ideas. No matter how hard we try, people are being influenced by Apple’s ads and are making bad decisions.
Therefore, I’m happy to announce the User Created Ad Contest.You create an ad for any M$ product, submit it, have it judged by a select panel of biased bloggers, win prizes and money, and lose/use it all on a new computer.
More information and details will follow. Right now, we’re looking for sponsors.
November 6, 2007
Remember that dude that got a Zune tattoo a while ago? He’s back! This time he’s changing his name to “Microsoft Zune.”
Oh, yah! GO ZUNE GO!
August 29, 2007
Today we officially began to work on the latest version of Windows. We’re thinking of calling it “7” for obvious reasons (7 is my lucky number) and our official statement is that we are “scoping Windows 7 development to a three-year time frame, and then the specific release date will ultimately be determined by meeting the quality bar” but thats just a nice way of saying that it will be released in a record low of six years.
Among the new and exciting features are:
Spellkzeck– A revolution in keyboard typing.
Zune Land– A totally new Zune screensaver.
MyCalc– An update to the Micro$oft calculator program.
Agua User Interface– A brand new, innovative, and very alpha, user interface.
MS Paint Plus– Details to be announced.
More information will follow in the coming days.
July 11, 2007
UPDATE: PLEASE IGNORE THIS POST! THIS POST WAS WRITTEN BY STEVE BALLMER! HE HACKED INTO MY BLOG AND WROTE IT!
Due to the huge wave of anti Micro$oft, open source loving, ****ing Russian communists that are visiting this website, we (Micro$oft), for the entire world’s sake, have decided to launch a huge new wave of anti communism warfare!
We’ve invested millions in the defense industry, and look forward to huge profits from the upcoming war that we intend to start between the U.S. and the Soviet Union. We’re currently activating a virus that we included in Vista.
The U.S. government is now experiencing technical problems that they believe are caused by Russian hackers.
Now is the time to invest! Invest in Micro$oft now, and you’ll make billions! Now is a time of amazing opportunity! Don’t believe what the communist Steve Jobs tells you. Steve Jobs is part of a communist plot to blow up New York city! Act now before it is too late!
Invest in Micro$oft today and get a free gas mask! LONG LIVE STEVE BALLMER!And always remember…
July 2, 2007
Today we’ve got another big announcement to make here at Microsoft: The iPhone is NOTHING! Thats right. The iPhone is absolutely nothing compared to what we’re about to release today. Today we’re announcing the release of a totally new next generation gadget. Today we’re introducing the zitPhone.
Remember, you heard it here first.
June 12, 2007
Yesterday I was talking to a reporter from the New York times about the Zune. I’m going to pay him to write a big review praising the Zune as an iPod Killer. The problem is that many iPod users just don’t realize how big of a success the Zune has been, and why they should switch. Anyways, the Zune has a large fan base (due to the millions we spent on hiring bloggers), and the love is just pouring in. We’re receiving hundreds of emails daily from users who are having technical difficulties and want their money back love the Zune. Check out this dedicated fan (note how happy he looks):