January 6, 2008
I know I haven’t blogged in a while. There have been several attempts on my life in the past few months. In order to escape, I chartered a private rocket to the moon, and I’m writing this post via NASA’s wireless network. (Seriously, the username and password were both “admin” and it took me under a day to hack in.)
In order to throw off the would be assasins, it was necessary to fake my death before I left Earth. The current opinion among Earthlings is that I’m dead. I’m about to broadcast this post over NASA’s Active SETI satellites, so I got to run.
November 29, 2007
I’ll admit it: We’re out of ideas. No matter how hard we try, people are being influenced by Apple’s ads and are making bad decisions.
Therefore, I’m happy to announce the User Created Ad Contest.You create an ad for any M$ product, submit it, have it judged by a select panel of biased bloggers, win prizes and money, and lose/use it all on a new computer.
More information and details will follow. Right now, we’re looking for sponsors.
September 20, 2007
This poster was found here. Please contact your senator today, and let them know that you won’t stand for outrages like this in our country. Take action to protect your children from harmful propaganda!
August 30, 2007
This video never happened. Not only that, but its just plain old stupid and lame.
Don’t worry, my lawyers are already on their way over.
August 29, 2007
Today we officially began to work on the latest version of Windows. We’re thinking of calling it “7” for obvious reasons (7 is my lucky number) and our official statement is that we are “scoping Windows 7 development to a three-year time frame, and then the specific release date will ultimately be determined by meeting the quality bar” but thats just a nice way of saying that it will be released in a record low of six years.
Among the new and exciting features are:
Spellkzeck– A revolution in keyboard typing.
Zune Land– A totally new Zune screensaver.
MyCalc– An update to the Micro$oft calculator program.
Agua User Interface– A brand new, innovative, and very alpha, user interface.
MS Paint Plus– Details to be announced.
More information will follow in the coming days.
July 12, 2007
Don’t tell anyone, but I personally am responsible for this. Go ahead Canonical, sue me! I really don’t care. I can pay the price, but can you? Do you dare pay the price for upsetting Microsoft?
July 11, 2007
UPDATE: PLEASE IGNORE THIS POST! THIS POST WAS WRITTEN BY STEVE BALLMER! HE HACKED INTO MY BLOG AND WROTE IT!
Due to the huge wave of anti Micro$oft, open source loving, ****ing Russian communists that are visiting this website, we (Micro$oft), for the entire world’s sake, have decided to launch a huge new wave of anti communism warfare!
We’ve invested millions in the defense industry, and look forward to huge profits from the upcoming war that we intend to start between the U.S. and the Soviet Union. We’re currently activating a virus that we included in Vista.
The U.S. government is now experiencing technical problems that they believe are caused by Russian hackers.
Now is the time to invest! Invest in Micro$oft now, and you’ll make billions! Now is a time of amazing opportunity! Don’t believe what the communist Steve Jobs tells you. Steve Jobs is part of a communist plot to blow up New York city! Act now before it is too late!
Invest in Micro$oft today and get a free gas mask! LONG LIVE STEVE BALLMER!And always remember…