I’m Back!

August 16, 2007

Wow! A lot has happened while I was gone. Some geniuses claim to have discovered that Fake Steve is really some little nobody named Daniel Lyons! Don’t believe them. Its an outright lie. Fake Steve is really written by the real Steve Jobs! Its all a cover up to hide the truth. I’m not sure what the real Steve’s motivation for the lie is, but I have a team of private investigators looking into it at this very moment.

Anyway, I’d like to thank Ballmer for covering for me while I was gone- even though he really screwed up things at Micro$oft by firing all female employees (don’t ask). I’d also like to thank all of you who have kept coming to my blog while I was away. I even managed to get on wordpress.com’s front page a few times thanks to you.

Some great stuff has happened at Micro$oft in the past month. (With the exception of Ballmer’s little power play.) Also, I’ve managed to succesfully dispose of the IRS agents on my trail, and I’ll now be able to blog more regularly. I’ll tell you all about some of the more interesting top-scret things later.

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Anti Communism

July 11, 2007

UPDATE: PLEASE IGNORE THIS POST! THIS POST WAS WRITTEN BY STEVE BALLMER! HE HACKED INTO MY BLOG AND WROTE IT!

Due to the huge wave of anti Micro$oft, open source loving, ****ing Russian communists that are visiting this website, we (Micro$oft), for the entire world’s sake, have decided to launch a huge new wave of anti communism warfare!

We’ve invested millions in the defense industry, and look forward to huge profits from the upcoming war that we intend to start between the U.S. and the Soviet Union. We’re currently activating a virus that we included in Vista.

The U.S. government is now experiencing technical problems that they believe are caused by Russian hackers.

Now is the time to invest! Invest in Micro$oft now, and you’ll make billions! Now is a time of amazing opportunity! Don’t believe what the communist Steve Jobs tells you. Steve Jobs is part of a communist plot to blow up New York city! Act now before it is too late!

Invest in Micro$oft today and get a free gas mask! LONG LIVE STEVE BALLMER!And always remember…

 open source is communism!


The zitPhone

July 2, 2007

Today we’ve got another big announcement to make here at Microsoft: The iPhone is NOTHING! Thats right. The iPhone is absolutely nothing compared to what we’re about to release today. Today we’re announcing the release of a totally new next generation gadget. Today we’re introducing the zitPhone. 

 Zit Phone 2

Remember, you heard it here first.


Silverlight

May 7, 2007

Silverlight Logo

As I mentioned a few days ago, I’ve been holding top-secret meetings with Ballmer, Ozzie, and a few other top Microsoft officials. We’re having these meetings because we’ve realized that Microsoft’s monopoly on the desktop computer is in danger. We’ve come up with a plan- The Plan, we call it- to retakover the desktop computer.

Anyways, the main part of the plan is Silverlight. Read the rest of this entry »