November 29, 2007
I’ll admit it: We’re out of ideas. No matter how hard we try, people are being influenced by Apple’s ads and are making bad decisions.
Therefore, I’m happy to announce the User Created Ad Contest.You create an ad for any M$ product, submit it, have it judged by a select panel of biased bloggers, win prizes and money, and lose/use it all on a new computer.
More information and details will follow. Right now, we’re looking for sponsors.
September 10, 2007
Check out the picture below. The two images on the top are screenshots of the Windows Live website, and the Windows live banner. The image on the left is a close up of the Windows Live sidebar.
On the right side are two of the default desktop backgrounds that come with every Mac. Notice any similarities? I might not have matched up things perfectly, but one thing is clear: Apple took our Windows Live design, expanded our images on the sides, and claimed that it was their own work! Thats it! Apple won’t get away with it this time! And this time we’re not willing to settle outside of court!
September 3, 2007
Today this blog linked to my website. I don’t speak a single word of Spanish, and we have no Spanish speakers here at Microsoft HQ, so I used Google Translate to translate the page into English. The translation was exactly what I expected from Google- a barely readable page where half of the words weren’t even translated. I scrolled down to the link to my blog and read the following:
“https://fakebill.wordpress.com/ false Blog of Bill Gates president of Microsoft, was obvious that if Steve Jobs tapeworm blog false. Bill tapeworm that to have one. Although already descubrio that Daniel Lyons, publisher of the magazine Forbes, was the writer of both Blogs.”
Pay special attention to the end. It says “Daniel Lyons, publisher of the magazine Forbes, was the writer of both Blogs.” By “both blogs” I assume he means my blog and Steve Job’s blog. But where in the name of M$ did he get the idea that I’m really Daniel Lyons?! How can he possibly even think that I would do something as stupid as writing a fanboy blog for my company’s biggest enemy? Besides, we clearly have different writing styles.
August 28, 2007
Thats right, all Mac users have bladder problems. (As well as many other problems that I can’t even begin to describe.) Why else would this widget be the number two widget on Apple.com?
This is almost enough to make me pity Steve Jobs! Almost. Hopefully there are a lot of toilets at Apple HQ in Cupertino, CA.
As a special bonus to all yeh faithful blog-readers, all copies of Vista ordered today come with a free gps potty locater to replace the one on your Mac! Order yours today on Microso$ft.com/special%20deal/poop-a-scooper.dll.
Hmm… perhaps all Mac users have a FATAL BUFFER OVERLOAD ERROR IN OUTPUT.DLL. Or would that be an error with /sbin/dump?
August 16, 2007
Wow! A lot has happened while I was gone. Some geniuses claim to have discovered that Fake Steve is really some little nobody named Daniel Lyons! Don’t believe them. Its an outright lie. Fake Steve is really written by the real Steve Jobs! Its all a cover up to hide the truth. I’m not sure what the real Steve’s motivation for the lie is, but I have a team of private investigators looking into it at this very moment.
Anyway, I’d like to thank Ballmer for covering for me while I was gone- even though he really screwed up things at Micro$oft by firing all female employees (don’t ask). I’d also like to thank all of you who have kept coming to my blog while I was away. I even managed to get on wordpress.com’s front page a few times thanks to you.
Some great stuff has happened at Micro$oft in the past month. (With the exception of Ballmer’s little power play.) Also, I’ve managed to succesfully dispose of the IRS agents on my trail, and I’ll now be able to blog more regularly. I’ll tell you all about some of the more interesting top-scret things later.
July 11, 2007
UPDATE: PLEASE IGNORE THIS POST! THIS POST WAS WRITTEN BY STEVE BALLMER! HE HACKED INTO MY BLOG AND WROTE IT!
Due to the huge wave of anti Micro$oft, open source loving, ****ing Russian communists that are visiting this website, we (Micro$oft), for the entire world’s sake, have decided to launch a huge new wave of anti communism warfare!
We’ve invested millions in the defense industry, and look forward to huge profits from the upcoming war that we intend to start between the U.S. and the Soviet Union. We’re currently activating a virus that we included in Vista.
The U.S. government is now experiencing technical problems that they believe are caused by Russian hackers.
Now is the time to invest! Invest in Micro$oft now, and you’ll make billions! Now is a time of amazing opportunity! Don’t believe what the communist Steve Jobs tells you. Steve Jobs is part of a communist plot to blow up New York city! Act now before it is too late!
Invest in Micro$oft today and get a free gas mask! LONG LIVE STEVE BALLMER!And always remember…