Microsoft Surface

For those of you that haven’t seen it yet, check out these videos of Microsoft Surface. Surface is the result of five years of hard work.  For five years, we have attempted to copy Apple, and to beat them at their own game. I think that we’ve finally won.

I’ll be posting more about Surface later. Stay tuned in (or just subscribe to my RSS feed).

Linux Car Crashes

According to this article, a bunch of Linux geeks actually spent loads of money to sponsor a “Linux Car” in the Indianapolis 500! When I first saw the article, I couldn’t believe it. Surely they’re not stupid enough to think its going to help them get more users. I mean, the car was the first to crash in the race and came in last place. Is that supposed to get them more users? Clearly Linux has drivers issues. Besides, who would ever want to use an operating system maintained by a community. Seriously, this whole Linux thing is being to freak me out.

Longhorn Video

I think its simply amazing how successful Vista has been. (especially in China). We’ve put in millions of dollars into marketing, and we’ve gotten so much of it back. Its also amazing how we’ve put so many more features into Vista then we were originally going to. For example, look at this video from seven years, about Windows Vista (aka Longhorn). Pay special attention to the dates.

Video Friday

Beginning today, I’m going to be posting one video every weekend. Anyways, I’m proud to present A Tribute To Bill Gates.

What The Hell Does This Mean?

My blog just made the Russian new headlines. The only problem is that I don’t understand a single word in Russian, and I don’t even know whether the article is praising or criticizing my blog.

Ray Ozzie (Chief Software Architect for Microsoft) recommended that I try to translate the article using Google’s translation tools. I didn’t want to use them (because they’re made by Google), and I argued with him for ten minutes.

The argument ended when Steve Ballmer started shrieking in the room next door. It turns out that he accidentally electrocuted himself while he was playing with one of our servers. Unfortunately, it was only a minor shock, and he’s already back up causing trouble.

Anyways, Ozzie ran off to help Ballmer, leaving me to make the decision on my own. I reluctantly tried using Google to translate the article and I got this. Here’s an excerpt of the translation:

fakebill.wordpress.com Tozi fresh parodien blog e krsten “Tayniyat diary Bill Gates on.” От него най-после ще научите всичко за плановете на Microsoft да разкаже играта на Apple и Google.It nay-posle Notification teach music for planovete to Microsoft so razkazhe igrata at Apple and Google. Фалшивият Бил демонстрира видеоотговори на Get A Mac

Yep. That was real helpful. Yet another success from Google.

Next I tried using World Lingo to translate. I got this. Here’s an excerpt:

fakebill.wordpress.com Of [t]o[zi] is fresh [parodien] of [blog] e of [krsten] of „They [tayniyat] diary on beaters Gates “. From it [nay]- after the cabbage soup you will learn [vsichko] after you

The most impressive part of the translation was the line “From it [nay]- after the cabbage soup you will learn [vsichko]“

By this point, I was getting desperate for a good translation. For certain reasons that I don’t want to mention (related to top secret Microsoft “Research”), I had a Mac on my desk. I pressed f12 and tried using the translation widget to translate the page. Here’s the result:

Now, isn’t that an impressive translation! Typical of Apple, it makes absolutely no sense. Just like World Lingo’s translation, its talking about cabbage soup. Absolutely fascinating!

Anyways, I have to go and talk to the paramedics. They’re insisting on taking Ballmer to the hospital for a check up. Hopefully they’ll do a brain scan or, at the very least, test Ballmer for mental retardedness.

Me VS Steve Jobs

I’m feeling kind of bored today. I think my ADHD is starting back up. Anyways, here’s a short video I found…

I Sponsored A Widget

I just made an agreement with TheEsylum.com. They’re going to put a link to my blog on the back of their Chuck Norris Facts widget for Mac OS X. They claim that over ten thousand people have downloaded the widget.

Its perfect. I’ll get lots of visitors who saw the link on the widget. Even better, all of them will be Mac geeks. I may be able to convince some of them to switch to Windows. Their minds are up for the taking. Besides, anyone who uses a Chuck Norris Facts widget can’t be that smart anyways. 🙂 I suspect that I’ll be able to brainwash at least 500 Mac users.

On my side of the deal, I wrote out a $1000 check to TheEsylum.com. That is just pocket money to me. After all, I am the richest man alive. If anyone else is interested in being sponsored by me then just drop me a comment.

Get A Mac Spoofs

Yes! I finally have an answer to Apple’s “Get a Mac” ads! Next time Steve Jobs sends me a snotty little email about how Macs are better, I’ll send him this…

There are more spoofs here.

Matt Is A Jerk

As I’ve blogged about multiple times over the past month, Microsoft may buy WordPress.com. All of the key people at Microsoft (specifically me, Ballmer, and Ozzie) are willing to go ahead and buy WordPress.com. The only thing that we’re waiting for is a reply from WordPress.com. I attemped to contact Matt, the CEO of Automattic (the company that owns WordPress.com), without success. After multiple attempts, all I got out of him was one email reply that made no sense. I’m getting desperate. I promised Melinda (my wife) that Microsoft would buy WordPress.com and she would get to be its director. As a last resort, today I tried contacting him on AIM. Here’s the chat:

Me: Hello

Me: So, are you planning on ignoring all of our attempts to contact you?

Me: I guess so…

Me: If you do decide to answer then you can contact me directly at Microsoft (extension 2) or via my blog fakebill.wordpress.com

Me: I really hope you don’t turn down this opportunity. It would truly be a pity for both us if you turned down this offer.

The jerk just ignored me and made me look like a fool. I’ll get him back some day… Both him and Steve Jobs are going to regret what they’ve done…

MS Paint

And don’t you ever make fun of MS Paint again…