This Never Happened

August 30, 2007

This video never happened. Not only that, but its just plain old stupid and lame.

Don’t worry, my lawyers are already on their way over.


Windows 7

August 29, 2007

Today we officially began to work on the latest version of Windows. We’re thinking of calling it “7” for obvious reasons (7 is my lucky number) and our official statement is that we are “scoping Windows 7 development to a three-year time frame, and then the specific release date will ultimately be determined by meeting the quality bar” but thats just a nice way of saying that it will be released in a record low of six years.

Among the new and exciting features are:
Spellkzeck– A revolution in keyboard typing.
Zune Land– A totally new Zune screensaver.
MyCalc– An update to the Micro$oft calculator program.
Agua User Interface– A brand new, innovative, and very alpha, user interface.
MS Paint PlusDetails to be announced.

More information will follow in the coming days.


If You Buy A Mac… You Will Get Explosive Diarrhea

August 28, 2007

Thats right, all Mac users have bladder problems. (As well as many other problems that I can’t even begin to describe.) Why else would this widget be the number two widget on Apple.com?

Public Toilet Locater

This is almost enough to make me pity Steve Jobs! Almost. Hopefully there are a lot of toilets at Apple HQ in Cupertino, CA.

As a special bonus to all yeh faithful blog-readers, all copies of Vista ordered today come with a free gps potty locater to replace the one on your Mac! Order yours today on Microso$ft.com/special%20deal/poop-a-scooper.dll. 

Hmm… perhaps all Mac users have a FATAL BUFFER OVERLOAD ERROR IN OUTPUT.DLL. Or would that be an error with /sbin/dump?


The Day That We All Await Eagerly

August 24, 2007
steve job’s grave

Source


Good Memories

August 22, 2007

I just saw this post by the wordpress.com developer team. Today is wordpress.com’s 2nd birthday.

At the bottom of the article it says: “If you have a WordPress.com memory from the last year you’d like to share, write about it on your blog and link this entry, it’ll show up as a ping in the comments.”

Ok, heres my comment: Remember the time when I tried to buy wordpress.com?


I’m Back!

August 16, 2007

Wow! A lot has happened while I was gone. Some geniuses claim to have discovered that Fake Steve is really some little nobody named Daniel Lyons! Don’t believe them. Its an outright lie. Fake Steve is really written by the real Steve Jobs! Its all a cover up to hide the truth. I’m not sure what the real Steve’s motivation for the lie is, but I have a team of private investigators looking into it at this very moment.

Anyway, I’d like to thank Ballmer for covering for me while I was gone- even though he really screwed up things at Micro$oft by firing all female employees (don’t ask). I’d also like to thank all of you who have kept coming to my blog while I was away. I even managed to get on wordpress.com’s front page a few times thanks to you.

Some great stuff has happened at Micro$oft in the past month. (With the exception of Ballmer’s little power play.) Also, I’ve managed to succesfully dispose of the IRS agents on my trail, and I’ll now be able to blog more regularly. I’ll tell you all about some of the more interesting top-scret things later.