SP1, Oh Baby!

Woohoo! We did it (at last)!

Windows Vista Security- er, Service Pack 1 was  just released into the wild. In order of importance, the new features are the following:

(The list of features is taken from the official press release. (Really.))

• Removes 20 second delay when pressing Ctrl Alt Del on certain machines.
• Windows Explorer (usually) no longer freezes if you browse the network
• Most of the time, the machine no longer hangs when emerging from hibernation mode.
• The ‘Pause for 15 seconds before connecting to the network’ feature (this feature is strangely present in every version but Ultimate) has (temporarily) been removed.

Lets look at what the fanboys are saying:

“Windows Vista SP1 lacks any compelling ‘must haves,’ and, in most cases, doesn’t significantly improve performance (in some cases, it even degrades performance).
The bottom line: While it’s always good to install the latest code for any operating system, installing the Windows Vista SP1 update will require some casual users to spend a few hours without any visible or tangible improvements to their systems.”

-C|Net 

“If you fast-forward to 2015, and then look-back; I bet that Vista’s SP1 will be hailed as a classic example of waiting until the first service pack before deploying an operating system. Thus if you have not deployed Vista, then wait until next spring and expect a smooth migration from XP.”

- ComputerPerformance.co.uk

“Opening Windows Explorer for the first time in a session (which on my desktop took at least a full 30 seconds, and as long as a full minute) now takes an ‘acceptable’ 10 to 15 seconds… Microsoft also boasts about speed improvements in Internet Explorer 7… I found no proof of the former.”

 - PC Magazine

In the spirit of celebration, we put up some Vista jokes for y’all over here.

Head over to Microsucks.com and get your copy.

Um, anyone?

Please? We’ll give you free support.

Oh well.

Make Your Own MS Ad Contest And Win $$$$

I’ll admit it: We’re out of ideas. No matter how hard we try, people are being influenced by Apple’s ads and are making bad decisions.

Therefore, I’m happy to announce the User Created Ad Contest.You create an ad for any M$ product, submit it, have it judged by a select panel of biased bloggers, win prizes and money, and lose/use it all on a new computer.

More information and details will follow. Right now, we’re looking for sponsors.

Dell XPS Completely KILLS the iMac

Yup, you got that right.

I just got off the zitFone with Michael Dell and he told me the good news. There’s no longer any need to buy those slimy iMacs in order to get an all-in-one computer. Dell is now shipping the XSP PSX PXS XPS All In One. Check it out…

It even runs Vista! Thats one thing those slippery iMacs cant do out of the box.

I’ll leave it to Fake Ballmer to write a biased review. In the meantime, here’s a picture.

Windows Security

Source

Anti Communism

UPDATE: PLEASE IGNORE THIS POST! THIS POST WAS WRITTEN BY STEVE BALLMER! HE HACKED INTO MY BLOG AND WROTE IT!

Due to the huge wave of anti Micro$oft, open source loving, ****ing Russian communists that are visiting this website, we (Micro$oft), for the entire world’s sake, have decided to launch a huge new wave of anti communism warfare!

We’ve invested millions in the defense industry, and look forward to huge profits from the upcoming war that we intend to start between the U.S. and the Soviet Union. We’re currently activating a virus that we included in Vista.

The U.S. government is now experiencing technical problems that they believe are caused by Russian hackers.

Now is the time to invest! Invest in Micro$oft now, and you’ll make billions! Now is a time of amazing opportunity! Don’t believe what the communist Steve Jobs tells you. Steve Jobs is part of a communist plot to blow up New York city! Act now before it is too late!

Invest in Micro$oft today and get a free gas mask! LONG LIVE STEVE BALLMER!And always remember…

 

The zitPhone

Today we’ve got another big announcement to make here at Microsoft: The iPhone is NOTHING! Thats right. The iPhone is absolutely nothing compared to what we’re about to release today. Today we’re announcing the release of a totally new next generation gadget. Today we’re introducing the zitPhone. 

 

Remember, you heard it here first.

Windows Vista Is Everywhere

There’s been yet another Windows Vista sighting. Check it out:

Source

Vista Is Everywhere

UPDATE: Apparently Vista is also powering the Space Station’s computer system.

The demand for Vista is just amazing. We’re selling tens of dozens of copies monthly. In China alone we’ve sold 244 copies. Vista is simply everywhere. Its running on Russian ATMs

Its running on kiddy carts in the US.

It is just everywhere. Maybe its time that you put it on your computer.

The PC’s Revenge

Take that, Apple!

Longhorn Video

I think its simply amazing how successful Vista has been. (especially in China). We’ve put in millions of dollars into marketing, and we’ve gotten so much of it back. Its also amazing how we’ve put so many more features into Vista then we were originally going to. For example, look at this video from seven years, about Windows Vista (aka Longhorn). Pay special attention to the dates.