SP1, Oh Baby!

Woohoo! We did it (at last)!

Windows Vista Security- er, Service Pack 1 was  just released into the wild. In order of importance, the new features are the following:

(The list of features is taken from the official press release. (Really.))

• Removes 20 second delay when pressing Ctrl Alt Del on certain machines.
• Windows Explorer (usually) no longer freezes if you browse the network
• Most of the time, the machine no longer hangs when emerging from hibernation mode.
• The ‘Pause for 15 seconds before connecting to the network’ feature (this feature is strangely present in every version but Ultimate) has (temporarily) been removed.

Lets look at what the fanboys are saying:

“Windows Vista SP1 lacks any compelling ‘must haves,’ and, in most cases, doesn’t significantly improve performance (in some cases, it even degrades performance).
The bottom line: While it’s always good to install the latest code for any operating system, installing the Windows Vista SP1 update will require some casual users to spend a few hours without any visible or tangible improvements to their systems.”

-C|Net 

“If you fast-forward to 2015, and then look-back; I bet that Vista’s SP1 will be hailed as a classic example of waiting until the first service pack before deploying an operating system. Thus if you have not deployed Vista, then wait until next spring and expect a smooth migration from XP.”

- ComputerPerformance.co.uk

“Opening Windows Explorer for the first time in a session (which on my desktop took at least a full 30 seconds, and as long as a full minute) now takes an ‘acceptable’ 10 to 15 seconds… Microsoft also boasts about speed improvements in Internet Explorer 7… I found no proof of the former.”

 - PC Magazine

In the spirit of celebration, we put up some Vista jokes for y’all over here.

Head over to Microsucks.com and get your copy.

Um, anyone?

Please? We’ll give you free support.

Oh well.

Check Before You Buy

This a quick public service announcement because I don’t have much time. Don’t expect many posts this coming week or two.

Please be a responsible buyer and check before you buy. No, I don’t mean Vista. I’m talking about Apple computers. Check out this website.

Make Your Own MS Ad Contest And Win $$$$

I’ll admit it: We’re out of ideas. No matter how hard we try, people are being influenced by Apple’s ads and are making bad decisions.

Therefore, I’m happy to announce the User Created Ad Contest.You create an ad for any M$ product, submit it, have it judged by a select panel of biased bloggers, win prizes and money, and lose/use it all on a new computer.

More information and details will follow. Right now, we’re looking for sponsors.

Dell XPS Completely KILLS the iMac

Yup, you got that right.

I just got off the zitFone with Michael Dell and he told me the good news. There’s no longer any need to buy those slimy iMacs in order to get an all-in-one computer. Dell is now shipping the XSP PSX PXS XPS All In One. Check it out…

It even runs Vista! Thats one thing those slippery iMacs cant do out of the box.

I’ll leave it to Fake Ballmer to write a biased review. In the meantime, here’s a picture.

I Don’t Get It

There seems to be a bug in Leopard…

Apple Copied Us!

Check out the picture below. The two images on the top are screenshots of the Windows Live website, and the Windows live banner. The image on the left is a close up of the Windows Live sidebar.

On the right side are two of the default desktop backgrounds that come with every Mac. Notice any similarities? I might not have matched up things perfectly, but one thing is clear: Apple took our Windows Live design, expanded our images on the sides, and claimed that it was their own work! Thats it! Apple won’t get away with it this time! And this time we’re not willing to settle outside of court!

This Never Happened

This video never happened. Not only that, but its just plain old stupid and lame.

Don’t worry, my lawyers are already on their way over.

If You Buy A Mac… You Will Get Explosive Diarrhea

Thats right, all Mac users have bladder problems. (As well as many other problems that I can’t even begin to describe.) Why else would this widget be the number two widget on Apple.com?

This is almost enough to make me pity Steve Jobs! Almost. Hopefully there are a lot of toilets at Apple HQ in Cupertino, CA.

As a special bonus to all yeh faithful blog-readers, all copies of Vista ordered today come with a free gps potty locater to replace the one on your Mac! Order yours today on Microso$ft.com/special%20deal/poop-a-scooper.dll. 

Hmm… perhaps all Mac users have a FATAL BUFFER OVERLOAD ERROR IN OUTPUT.DLL. Or would that be an error with /sbin/dump?

The Day That We All Await Eagerly

Source

I’m Back!

Wow! A lot has happened while I was gone. Some geniuses claim to have discovered that Fake Steve is really some little nobody named Daniel Lyons! Don’t believe them. Its an outright lie. Fake Steve is really written by the real Steve Jobs! Its all a cover up to hide the truth. I’m not sure what the real Steve’s motivation for the lie is, but I have a team of private investigators looking into it at this very moment.

Anyway, I’d like to thank Ballmer for covering for me while I was gone- even though he really screwed up things at Micro$oft by firing all female employees (don’t ask). I’d also like to thank all of you who have kept coming to my blog while I was away. I even managed to get on wordpress.com’s front page a few times thanks to you.

Some great stuff has happened at Micro$oft in the past month. (With the exception of Ballmer’s little power play.) Also, I’ve managed to succesfully dispose of the IRS agents on my trail, and I’ll now be able to blog more regularly. I’ll tell you all about some of the more interesting top-scret things later.