Hello, everyone. My name is Bill Gates, and I have over ten million times more money than you. I created Windows, the most advanced operating system in existence, after I dropped out of high school. All I ever learned in school anyways was how to get credit for other people’s work (and I do that very well).
I have severe ADHD. I am hyperactive and can’t stay focused for long periods of time. People tell me that I have somewhat of a split personality and that I change moods very fast.
I hate to break it to you, but no matter what you do, I’ll always have more money than you. To tell you the truth, I make more money in a second than you do in an entire day. Before I get sidetracked, let mention one more thing. Every one of the hundreds of lawyers that I employ are telling me that its absolutely necessary to have a disclaimer. If you absolutely must read it then you can find it here.
Anyways, because I’m so rich, every day one hundred random strangers ask me for money. Every year, I give one or two of the suckers some money to help my reputation. I even started a foundation to decide which sucker gets the money. Why not? Anyways, after I give a few of them money, I tell the rest of them to go and get a job and a life. The ones who stay and whine are removed forcibly.
I’ve thought of creating a blog before, but I always decided it wasn’t worth it. Why should I, Bill Gates, the richest man to have ever lived, spend my precious time writing about my life so that some idiot on the other side of the globe can read it. Blogging doesn’t pay well, and even if it did, I certainly don’t need the money. As I already said, I make hundreds of thousands of dollars every day by doing nothing. Why should I waste my time blogging? Its the stupidest idea I ever heard of. In fact, I fired the last guy that recommended it to me.
That is what I used to think. Then I saw this website. Wow! Bad move by me. I’m taking medicine to overcome my severe ADHD, but it all broke down. I totally lost control. Stupid Little Steve Jobs, that ugly little bugger that messed up my life, has his own blog. Not only that, but he has been making fun of me on a daily basis. Even worse, he’s been making fun of Vista. He is such an ungrateful brat. I created the computer (or close enough anyways) and he has the chutzpah to go and make fun of me.
If he can blog, than so can I! He may try to brainwash you into buying a Mac, but I’ll stop him! I’ll beat him at his own game! You watch and see. Down with El Jobso! LONG LIVE MICROSOFT
May 21, 2007 at 9:13 pm
[...] my side of the deal, I wrote out a $1000 check to TheEsylum.com. That is just pocket money to me. After all, I am the richest man alive. If anyone else is interested in being sponsored by me then just drop me a [...]
August 31, 2007 at 7:46 am
Sir no matter what he try to do he will still never be able to reach you.You are my Hero and so are the others around the Globe.You will always be…He will be punished for what he is doing….God Bless you and May your Business be showers with Blessing from God and I wish you all the best for the rest of your endevours and Finally may God Gives you more Knowledge to help you in upgrading Microsoft f or the comming years.
September 10, 2007 at 7:56 am
If anyone else is interested in being sponsored by me then just drop me a… PIE?
October 10, 2007 at 3:40 pm
you are my role model.my createst achievement in life would be to be much more richer than you are.God bless yo
October 11, 2007 at 7:03 pm
I wonder why I’ve never seen a Macintosh computers in the trash…
I wonder why does windows programs crashes all the time…
How do i know…
hmm.. ^_^
October 17, 2007 at 9:01 am
If you are a rich & honourable man, then give me the money for to buy me an imac or a mac pro, by the argument “poor boy for your long time you was annoyed by microsoft crashes”. I will let you know that i’ve only buyed me a computer with microsoft-system because the most apple-machines are unfortunately to expensive for me & in my “i was never mac-user position” i did only feel & believe truthful that the cupertino-wares must be a real pleasure & funfull kind of computing.
October 19, 2007 at 7:09 am
andy,
How about a Ubuntu Linux live cd? I would love to make you into a case study of the negative effects that communist linux has on human beings. How about it?
October 21, 2007 at 12:05 pm
If tryed to install some free linuxes on my older pc, this one had runned under your windows. This trials had been without success. I was angry about windows, because it had seemed, that linuxes wouln’t be installed from your system-side.
What had capitalistic windows done in meanwhile, companay had buyed some linux-parts to be in leadership with “ideology”.
Putin now, some days ago had declared he wouldn’t that some american strategic defense came to poland. result, still same cold war with cat & mouse-games instead one straight strategy for world peace inclusive ECOLOGY before ECONOMY.
But what does capitalism make, he handle with carbomonoxid ‘assurance’ on purse.
Really this filthy “monopoly” game of ceo’s is to runaway.
Resume: The wonderfull ellipsoid egg called “the earth” has two poles. The ‘Logy’ and the ‘Nomy’.
It’s no percent question.
You are still free to visit my home, buying some pictures from my painting for your own home, i can give my right hand to you. With first free-money i can reach i will go to apple shop & buy 1 apple for me, just because i want to know what real fun with computing can be.
Tell me when you will come, i will open a bottle of redwine then, that silver and gold can speak about together, with this glasses of wine.
Your researches to find me must be really easy for you, because i’m registered in your electronic datas.
Case study now is finished. Result: Bill Gates comes to visit acap. or not.